What you do to Others Will Be Done to You!

Once upon a time in China , a girl named Li-Li got married & went to live with her husband and mother-in-law.

In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn’t get along with her mother-in-law at all. Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law’s habits. In addition, she criticized Li-Li constantly.

Days passed, and weeks passed. Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting. But what made the situation even worse was that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing Li-Li’s poor husband great distress.

Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-law’s bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it. Li-Li went to see her father’s good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs. She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all.

Mr. Huang thought for awhile, and finally said, “Li-iL, I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you.”

Li-Li said,”Yes, Mr. Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do. “Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs. He told Li-Li, “You can’t use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious. Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some delicious meal and put a little of these herbs in her serving. Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspect you, when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. “Don’t argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen.” Li-Li was so happy. She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law.

Weeks went by, and months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother.

After six months had passed, the whole household had changed. Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset. She hadn’t had an argument with her mother-in-law in six months because she now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with.

The mother-in-law’s attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in-law one could ever find. Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter. Li-Li’s husband was very happy to see what was happening.

One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again She said, “Dear Mr. Huang, please help me to keep off the poison from killing my mother-in-law. She’s changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her.”

Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. “Li-Li, there’s nothing to worry about. I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her.”

HAVE YOU REALIZED that how you treat others is exactly how they will treat you? There is a wise Chinese saying: “The person who loves others will also be loved in return.” God might be trying to work in another person’s life through you.

A candle loses nothing if it is used to light another one…

The Influence of Social Media on Valentine’s Day

Great article showing the link between social media, relationships and how you can get (and stay) more connected with your loved one!

Bobby

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“This year on Valentine’s Day, people are taking full advantage of all that social media has to offer to build on their special relationships.

What does Valentine’s Day have to do with social media? What they have in common is relationships. Social media is about building relationships. Valentine’s Day is about paying attention to relationships and strengthening relationship bonds. There are several important aspects of social media relationships that apply to all relationships: listening (knowing what your clients are saying about you), empathizing (connecting with your clients and trying to understand why they feel the way that they do), being transparent (honesty builds trust and without trust, your business will not succeed), showing appreciation (express how much you value your clients), and being passionate (long-lasting and valuable relationships are filled with passion, dedication, and hard work).

People use social networks to connect with people with whom they have existing relationships. In the process, they also form new relationships. Social networks allow you to share media and to customize your look and feel online. People can form online groups that consist of people who all share common interests. Special occasions, such as Valentine’s Day, create a whirlwind of activity on social networks. People are looking for the perfect gift for that special person or for themselves.

Searching online for Valentine’s Day ideas produces a huge volume of new articles, social networking suggestions, commercial offerings, and live twitter feeds. Before social media was available, the standard flowers and chocolates were gratefully accepted. Now, social media is ensuring that everyone tries to get more creative and exciting gifts to show how much they care. In today’s difficult economy, people are trying to be generous without hurting themselves financially.

Here are some fun gifts and gift ideas for your sweetheart using social media:

  • Create a personalized Facebook ad—You can create an ad that will only be seen by one user. You can make it as special as you want without any fear that you are sharing it with the whole world.
  • Upload a karaoke cover of your song on YouTube—It will be considered very romantic if you sing a song for your sweetheart in a room full of people. In fact, in this case, you will be singing in front of the entire World Wide Web. Share your recording on social media channels so that it is perfectly clear who your sweetheart is.
  • Schedule new @replies by the hour through HootSuite—Send a new reason for loving him or her every hour for 24 hours. You can set it all up in advance and HootSuite will automatically work its magic.
  • Buy a generous Facebook gift (for charity)—Facebook’s online gift shop has an entire collection of gifts for charity. Whatever you spend will go to the charitable organization of your choice.
  • Use the Sweethearts iPhone app to share personalized Sweethearts candies via Twitter—You can create, order and share Sweethearts with creative and special messages.

Of course, Valentine’s Day gifts are not the only things that are dominating the social media world. Ideas for celebrating Valentine’s Day cards, dates, surprises, proposals and other inventive ways to light a fire in a relationship or add something different and sweet to a friendship are all around us. In addition to gifts and ideas on how to celebrate, people are making plans to do something special within their budget.

Many popular sites, including Amazon and Oprah, have released lists of affordable gift ideas. Most websites offer a filter where items can be sorted by price. If you don’t want to guess what your sweetheart would like, Amazon also offers a wish list option where people can choose what they want, which avoids the recipient being disappointed as well as the giver not having to stress over whether he or she has bought the perfect gift.

For those people who find Valentine’s Day annoying, there are humorous gift online, such as fun things to do if you are single and broken-heart cookies. There is also a list online of the top worst Valentine’s Day gift ideas along with a list of the most unoriginal ideas and the worst Valentine’s Day dates.

With social media continuing to be a networking and economic giant, nobody will be left with a bad Valentine’s Day gift this year. Whether you love or hate the holiday, there is something that will please everyone. You should definitely take advantage of social media this Valentine’s Day, whether the result is a feeling of softness and sentimentality or amusement. In any case, a whole world full of possible gift ideas is open to you.”

Source: www.bx.businessweek.com
Original article: www.compukol.com

What Love means to 4 – 8 year olds

What does Love mean to you this Valentines Day?

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Touching words from the mouth of babes – When asked ‘What does love mean?’

‘When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.’

Rebecca- age 8

‘When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.’

Billy – age 4

‘Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.’

Karl – age 5

‘Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.’

Chrissy – age 6

‘Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.’

Terri – age 4

‘Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.’

Danny – age 7

‘Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss’

Emily – age 8

‘Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.’

Bobby – age 7

‘If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,’

Nikka – age 6

‘Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.’

Noelle – age 7

‘Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.’

Tommy – age 6

‘During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.’

Cindy – age 8

‘My mommy loves me more than anybody You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.’

Clare – age 6

‘Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.’

Elaine-age 5

‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.’

Chris – age 7

‘Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.’

Mary Ann – age 4

‘I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.’

Lauren – age 4

‘When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.’ (what an image)

Karen – age 7

‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.’

Mark – age 6

‘You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.’

Jessica – age 8

And the final one:
A four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.
Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.
When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, ‘Nothing, I just helped him cry’
 

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What does Love mean to you every day?

Finding and Keeping A Life Partner by Dov Heller

Here’s a great article brought to my attention by Jairek Robbins

Well worth a read for those in relationships or not. If you think about things up front you have much less to worry about later.

Bobby 🙂

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Rule # 1 – MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON AND 90% OF YOUR PROBLEMS ARE SOLVED

The article below would be useful for both the married and unmarried ones,
please take some time to read.

FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER
by Dov Heller, M.A.

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one
wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it
appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding
Mr./Miss. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they’re getting married,
they’ll say: ‘We’re in love’; I believe this is the ..1 mistake people make
when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.
Though this may sound ‘not politically correct’, there’s a profound truth
here.

Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a
good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will
come. Let me say it again: ‘You can’t build a lifetime relationship on love
alone’; You need a lot more!!! Here are five questions you must ask
yourself if you’re serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you’re married for 20
or 30 years, that’s a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to
do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to
share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2)you
can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a
marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line;
marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this
person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling
safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having
good communication is trust i.e. trust that I won’t get ‘punished’; or hurt
for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines
an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your
thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you
feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you
test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a
regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of
mine defines a good person as ’someone who is always striving to be good
and do the right ‘;. So ask about your significant other: What do they do
with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic
person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are
dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to seeking
comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal
comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before
walking down the aisle.

QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the
ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person
pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they
wrapped up in themselves and self absorbed? To measure this, think about
the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice
to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.. How do they treat their
parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they
don’t have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you
do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone, who treats others
poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I’m hoping to change about this person
after we’re married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of
trying to ‘improve’ them after they’re married. As a colleague of mine puts
it: ‘You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the
worse’ If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then
you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn’t have to be difficult and treacherous. The key
is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It
pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask
questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a
great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on our finger, you don’t
want to find yourself trouble because you didn’t do your homework.

Another perspective…There are some people in your life that need to be
loved from a distance.. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you let
go of or at
least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not going
anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you. Pay
attention…Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and
which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which
ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better
or feel worse? Which ones don’t appreciate you? Which ones make you feel
good, praises you, boosts you with loving and caring words or annotations.

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth
around you…the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in
the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

An African proverb states, ‘Before you get married, keep both eyes open,
and after you marry, close one eye’; Before you get involved and make a
commitment to someone, don’t let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance,
pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs.
Keep your eyes open, and don’t fool yourself that you can change someone or
that what you see as faults isn’t really that important. Do you bring out
the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other,
or do you compete, compare and control? What do you bring to the
relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust,
past pain? You can’t take someone to the altar to alter them. You can’t
make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem,
spiritual discernment, and ‘a life’; you won’t find yourself making someone
else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking
status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:
1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes, etc.)
7. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
8. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
9.GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT
10. CONCERN AND CARE FOR YOUR LOVER IN YOUR OWN WAYS.

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment
withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace.

By Dov Heller, M.A. www.ClarityTalk.com

“The more we understand our feelings, the more we understand ourselves”

Love, Hearts and Dreams

I was asked to write an article for the YES newsletter on networking, then Andrea suggested a Valentine’s edition would be better suited to love. Oh yes, a topic I’m an expert on!?! So I thought I’d write about the kinds of people that we all know, who are close to us and you might even recognise a little bit of yourself.

Check out the current Yes Group Newsletters

I also had a film review for Slumdog Millionaire published in the Coaches Community Newsletter last month as well.

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Who are the kinds of people that we all like to know and meet, who are closest to us and single? Are they like you?

There are so many brilliant people in the personal development world and I’m sure it would be easy enough to just hook them all up. Networking and meeting other singles can’t be an issue, as you’re already out of your house and talking to people. Most of you don’t even need an excuse to high five or hug someone!

Now I know most of you don’t go to networking events to specifically meet your partner, more likely to get away from the one at home… just kidding. If you aren’t getting out often enough, come on over to the next YES group or crash a birthday party, a hobby of mine now!

What are the date’s that most singles dread, due to peer pressure and society of course. Would it be Christmas and New Year? Birthday’s? Or Valentines Day!? Some of the ladies I know shudder at the thought of being single over that period. Will their coupled up friends ask what plans they have, with the reply being another ‘too busy for a relationship’ excuse!

Many people I know in the personal development world have moved on from their ‘old’ lives and friends and now prefer the company of a new peer group on their level of understanding. They’ve discovered themselves and are looking for someone to complement them. Yes it’s good to be comfortable in your own skin and around yourself, so why not be yourself around other people as well and maybe that special somebody. Or are you waiting for that perfect person to walk into your life? They might already be there under your nose and you’ve not taken the time to get to know them. Saying you’ve altered your old paradigms is not the same as taking action and proving it.

Are you one of those people that can’t move on from a relationship that is clearly over, where you feel the need to be in a relationship because you think you can’t survive alone? Or someone who gets so close and then sabotages it on purpose because they’re scared of commitment? Not wanting to get too involved, as you’ve only ever know how to live by yourself?
Have these attitudes been serving you or is it time for a change now.

It’s easy to get into a comfort zone as we all know, life is on the edge and on the other side of that zone. Even if you stretch it just a little, you’ll have more options open to you.

Do you hope the stars are going to offer you a break or are you going to have to make it happen? If you’ve been waiting a while for the universe to deliver, when are you going to accept the opportunities already present.

Have you heard the story of the person in a boat, lost in the ocean. They pray for God to rescue them. Soon a rescue plane comes but the person waves them off and says ‘It’s okay God will save me.’ Then comes a boat and a helicopter but they all get the same response. When they die and get to heaven, the person cries out to God, ‘Why didn’t you save me?’ God says, ‘Didn’t you see the plane, boat and helicopter I sent?’
What more do you want, it is up to you to say YES! God helps those that helps themselves.

Are you not ‘seeing’ the people that are already in your life. Are you waiting for them to be part of your past; or would you prefer them to be part of your future?

Maybe you are wondering what other people will say or think. You want to act cool in front of your friends and seek approval. Whilst you’re over in their head space, who is in yours? Does it really matter what someone else’s opinion of you might be, constantly trying to please others. Wouldn’t it be better to live your life the best way that you want!

icrushalot_heart_34You’ll know whether someone might be the right person by the way that you feel about them when you meet or talk. Instead of waiting till later or next time, seize the once in a lifetime opportunity to say hi and exchange numbers if you hit it off. There may be other people you could meet in the future, but you have to remember you live in the now. And this now is never to be repeated, do you really want to miss out? They could step out the door and meet someone else, where is your later then!

When someone meets another person in their life, they have a chance to say something and a choice to make, whether this is going to be a moment that you might learn from (and live happily ever after for those that like fairy tales) or potentially regret months or years from now. People will keep turning up in your life, you will get ‘better’ offers BUT you won’t get that same offer again, it is up to you to decide what you do.

As time moves on, you see a potential partner happy with someone else now. They might be happily married, with kids and it is too late to turn back the clock. They may have grown to be the person that you could now possibly get along with, not having given them a chance before.

These are the choices you made and it could have been decisions in the past that are showing up again in the present. Maybe they’re just showing up as a reminder to you, to change your ways.

Are you going to make the same choices again, to have the same results show up in your future or are you going to take a risk and give that someone, who’s momentarily turned up in your life now, a chance… Instead of replaying your old programs and beliefs, how about playing ‘what if’ – “what if this could be a moment to move my life forward in the direction I want.” “What if this person is the right one for me.” Find out. Do you want to look back at your life with regrets and wonder about those decisions that could have been the ‘what if’ – I didn’t think so.

Stop making excuses or looking for the worst case scenario (I’ll just get my heart broken again crap) and step out and take control of your life. Organise to meet up for a coffee, agree to go on a date, do something crazy and fun, no matter where it might lead. You might just become good friends or end up going somewhere you’ve never even been before!
And you’re not really giving that somebody a chance to be happy with you; the person that you’re really giving a chance to be happy is yourself!

Don’t be just a footnote in someone’s story, be a whole chapter; even better still, write your own!
The future is still unwritten, get writing your story now, the way that you want it to be…

Remember “Life’s for sharing” – who is that special someone you are going to share it with? 🙂

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This Valentines Day I was at another Personal development seminar with great people at Play To Win .