You know you’re not from London when…


Bobby Gill Just did a trip on the tube with my nose in The London Paper whilst ignoring everyone. OMG, I may have been infected by Londonitis! :-0


Whilst on the tube I did read a great article by Kirsty Ross about being an expat living in London. I think this applies to anyone from outside the M25 to be honest, it’s a whole cultural shock.


“You know you’re a foreigner living in London when…

• You have no idea what that mess inside the kettle is, especially seeing as you bought it only three months ago.

• Asked, “Alright?,” you answer, “I’m fine, why?”

• Come summer and 17C, you find yourself actually contemplating slipping into a bikini (you too, boys) for the park like everyone else.

• You catch yourself complaining, then cut yourself off, afraid you’re becoming “one of them”.

• You’ve learnt never again to sit upstairs on the number 38 bus at night after breathing in secondary crack smoke from the junkie behind you.

• You’re amused watching Londoners tell off tourists who stand on the left… after learning the hard way yourself.

• You feel raped and pillaged of your annual leave by making an obligatory trip “home”.

• Heading to a summer music festival, you pack your gumboots (aka wellies) rather than your thongs (aka flip-flops) and a bikini/boardies.

• You no longer own sunscreen.

• You find yourself feeling prudish about Page 3 girls.

• People think you are the local crazy lady when you fleetingly smile at them in the street.

• It takes a while to learn what people are talking about when they refer to “the city”.

• You discover that sanitising hand gel exists and learn that you’ll die without it.

• You get weird looks when you mention your “pants are wet”. Meaning, of course, you stepped in a puddle.

• You think chocolate bars are a bargain.

• You keep falling for Ryanair’s “free flights” deal – even though they’re not free – and then bitching about the £10 credit-card fee.

• You discover drugs are cheaper than at home… unless you’re from Colombia.

• You’re the only person making a bee-line for the office window when it snows.

• You go to fill in a tax return and you’re told you don’t have to (huh?).

• You take your piggy bank of trash coins to the bank and learn they’ve never heard of a coin-sorter. Start bagging, bitches!

• You can walk into your kitchen, bedroom and bathroom by pivoting on one foot.

• You can’t believe you have to bag your own groceries… and be the one offering friendly greetings.

• You order a pint and find out the barman went to the school just down the road from where you grew up.

• You find it fascinating that riding on the Tube turns your snot black.

• You used to think the grass is greener back home but began to realise the grass is greener wherever you are now… “

Source: Kirsty Ross is a reporter at thelondonpaper – for one more day. But that won’t stop her from writing about her travel exploits…unless she runs out of food and starts eating her hands. You can follow her Expat In The City blogs at

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